The U.S. is one of the only countries not to mandate paid sick leave, a fact that many people believe is more harmful than helpful in the workplace, while opponents argue that it could hurt businesses. The Onion debunks common myths about paid sick leave.


MYTH: Thousands of U.S. employees can’t afford to take unpaid leave for emergencies.

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FACT: Try millions, pal.


MYTH: Paid sick leave will hurt the U.S. in the global market.

FACT: Paid sick leave will let us at least blame our declining performance on having to pay sick employees.

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MYTH: If you come to work with a communicable illness, you put your coworkers at risk.

FACT: There are always more workers.


MYTH: American businesses would have to bear the cost of paid employee leave.

FACT: Well, boo fucking hoo for American businesses.


MYTH: Paid sick leave is for wimps.

FACT: Paid maternity leave is for wimps.


MYTH: Perks like this will just speed up the transition to an automated workforce.

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FACT: The die is cast. No man can quicken nor forestall the storm already gathering on the horizon.


MYTH: Wet, hacking coughs and huge ropes of snot dripping from your face mean you should stay home and rest up.

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FACT: Just drink something hot. You’ll be fine.