Millennials are responsible for nearly half of the overall U.S. consumption of wine, but even as its popularity soars, many misconceptions about wine persist, from purchasing strategies, to pairings, to health benefits. The Onion debunks some of the common myths about wine.
MYTH: Most red wines are worth cellaring.
FACT: All bottles of wine should be consumed within three hours of purchase.
MYTH: Red wine lowers blood pressure.
FACT: It’s probably not great that you’re so eager to justify drinking poison.
MYTH: Different wines should be served in glasses of different shapes and sizes.
FACT: All we have is coffee mugs, do you want some or not?
MYTH: The 2004 film Sideways tanked the American Merlot market.
FACT: Merlot was here before Paul Giamatti, and it will be here after Paul Giamatti is a moldering corpse.
MYTH: At a restaurant, the waiter presents the wine bottle to a customer before opening it as a ceremonial gesture.
FACT: The waiter actually does this to remind the customer what a bottle of wine looks like.
MYTH: This cork is stuck.
FACT: Jesus, hand it over.
MYTH: Cheap wine doesn’t taste as good as the pricier stuff.
FACT: You can’t miss what you’ve never had.