Illustration for article titled NASA Administrator Announces He Will Open His Body Up To Sexual Tourism

WASHINGTON—Hoping to broaden access to an “awe-inspiring” adventure very few have ever undertaken, NASA administrator Jim Bridenstine introduced a new policy Friday that will allow his body to be used for sexual tourism. “I am excited to announce that for only $35,000 a night, private sex tourists will be able to experience me in all of my breathtaking grandeur,” said Bridenstine, explaining that tourists will be required to pass an intense physical examination to ensure they are up to the rigors they will undoubtedly encounter on their journey, during which he predicted they will be “pulling a lot of G’s.” “This is a very special, life-changing opportunity to explore my body firsthand, and I hope as many people as we can accommodate will choose to take advantage of it. No longer will this be a privilege extended only to astronauts and scientists.” Bridenstine went on to promise potential customers that while the experience is likely to be so profound it will change the way they see the world, NASA will be unable to provide refunds to those left unsatisfied.


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