NASA Announces Plans To Place Giant Pair Of Shades On Sun

WASHINGTON—In an effort to make the solar system’s central star look as badass as possible, NASA officials announced Friday the agency’s plans to place a 864,600-mile-wide pair of shades on the sun. “With this mission, we’ll be taking a great leap forward in our understanding of how cool and chilled-out our sun really is,” said NASA acting administrator Robert M. Lightfoot Jr., noting that the eyewear’s design was based in part on a 1588 drawing by Galileo, who was branded a heretic at the time for suggesting the sun wasn’t as laid-back as previously thought. “For generations to come, every time we look up at the sky, we’ll be reminded that the sun is this super rad celestial body that’s rocking a sweet pair of American-built shades.” Lightfoot added that if the mission was a success, NASA would expedite its plans to launch a giant, ice-cold glass of lemonade for the sun to sip.

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