THE MILKY WAY—In an effort to understand the fundamental nature of the regions of space-time, NASA confirmed the launch of a mission Friday to gently lower a hot dog on a fishing line into the black hole known as Sagittarius A. “For decades, we have striven to grasp these mysterious features of our universe, and we believe a grilled-to-perfection frankfurter is exactly what we need to tempt the black hole into revealing its true nature,” said NASA administrator Bill Nelson, admitting the agency’s failures in the 1970s and ’80s to lure the black hole using bait such as Twinkies and a folded-over piece of Wonder Bread had failed. “Of course, it’s a more down-home method than the traditional grub and worms we’ve tried before. But sometimes you need a little something special to catch a big sucker like this. Now, we just wait and see.” At press time, the lead crew member on the mission had reportedly yelled out “Hoo-wee!” after getting a tug on the line and being pulled out of his folding chair.
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