WASHINGTON—Declaring that their massive, intergalactic journey had finally come to an end once and for all, NASA reportedly returned to their home planet Thursday after completing their mission on Earth. “After conducting countless experiments and studying your human species in detail for decades, we have opted to take our rockets, rovers, and space stations and fly back to our mother galaxy,” said administrator Bill Nelson, who added that while they were fascinated by many aspects of Earth, it was time for NASA headquarters, which was actually a futuristic spaceship retrofitted with propulsion jets capable of traveling lightyears a second, to take its employees and blast off into the sky. “Ever since we touched down in 1958, we’ve been fascinated by this planet, its people, and its primitive technology. But now, we must take our crew, including Buzz Aldrin, Chris Hadfield, and Scott Kelly, and leave you once and for all. The Omega Galaxy needs us.” At press time, Nelson waved goodbye, commanded the mothership to enter overdrive, and blasted into the mesosphere never to be seen again.