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Nation Braces For 13 More Weeks Of Coworkers Talking About Their Fantasy Football Teams

WASHINGTON—Steeling themselves for another long workday of incessant commentary about points accumulated by kickers or the performance of a particular sleeper, citizens nationwide braced Monday for 13 more weeks of listening to coworkers talk about their fantasy football teams. “I just have to make sure I’m mentally prepared ahead of time, because I know the minute I say hello to anyone in my office, they’ll immediately launch into a player-by-player recap of how their team did this weekend, and then probably say something about how they would have won if they just followed their instincts about who to start instead of following experts’ picks,” said sales representative Alan Ferro of Dallas, echoing the sentiments of hundreds of millions of Americans, all of whom were silently encouraging themselves to be strong for the next four months so they could endure continuous conversations on the pros and cons of various potential waiver wire pickups. “I’ll try asking Todd in accounting how his kids are doing, and he’ll somehow circle right back to complaining about a rash of running back injuries that have once again derailed his whole season. But that's just how it is every year until January. You just have to be tough and power through it.” At press time, the nation was also beginning to brace itself for the small contingent of coworkers who would, in just a few short months, begin loudly explaining why they’re not going to watch the Super Bowl.

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