WASHINGTON—Emphasizing there was no way they were wrong about this, the nation told reporters Wednesday they could have sworn there had already been a first female vice president. “Everyone’s calling Kamala Harris the first woman to be elected vice president, but surely there was at least one before that, right?” said 330 million Americans in unison, frowning as they racked their brains and pulled out their phones to verify who Condoleezza Rice was and whether she had ever been vice president. “Really, not one? I don’t believe it. I know there’s never been a female president, but a vice president? Come on. Wasn’t FDR’s wife vice president? No? Hmm. What about that one lady, uh, RBG? Hillary Clinton? It would be pretty disrespectful if they were overlooking Hillary Clinton. Cleopatra? Barbara Bush? Oh yeah, there’s Angela Merkel, but I guess technically she’s a different country. One second, it’s on the tip of my tongue.” At press time, the nation confirmed they were pretty confident it was Laura or Lauren something.
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