Illustration for article titled Nation Demands More Slow-Motion Footage Of Syrup Cascading Onto Pancakes

WASHINGTON—Fed up with what they say is an incessant stream of advertisements for everything from automobiles to financial planning services, a frustrated American populace demanded more commercials featuring slow-motion footage of maple syrup cascading onto warm, golden-brown pancakes, sources confirmed Thursday. “All we’re looking for when we watch TV is to see rich syrup pour slowly from a spout high above a plate, fall gently onto a big, fluffy shortstack, ooze down the sides, and come to rest in sweet, gooey pools beside some bacon, sausage, and eggs,” said Missouri resident Joe Coombs, echoing the sentiments of all 317 million Americans, who additionally stressed that there was no limit to the number of replays or variety of camera angles they would watch of the syrup plunging onto the breakfast below. “We further demand a dollop of butter centered on top of the pancakes, preferably one that's beginning to melt and intermingle with the aforementioned syrup. This is what we want—nay, insist—to see for the entire two-to-three-minute break until our TV shows resume.” At press time, the nation as a whole could be seen flipping channels in an attempt to find the money shot.


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