Nation Glad They Could Spend $450 Million For Astronaut To Have Little Epiphany About Humanity’s Place In Universe

Illustration for article titled Nation Glad They Could Spend $450 Million For Astronaut To Have Little Epiphany About Humanity’s Place In Universe

WASHINGTON—Smiling sweetly in an effort to make themselves clear, the U.S. populace confirmed Tuesday they were glad they could spend $450 million for an astronaut to have a little epiphany about humanity’s place in the universe. “We’re always happy to help, and just delighted to shell out whatever you need so you can look down at the Earth and say ‘Wow,’” said a representative for the American people, who assured the country’s astronauts that of all the projects the nation could possibly be funding, there’s nothing they’d rather be subsidizing than their little trip into the sky. “Half a billion dollars is a small price to pay to blast a guy with an engineering degree into space so he can whisper something about how we’re all just living on a tiny blue marble. Yup, we’re but a speck floating in a vast, inky void. We’re so glad you could have that sweet little revelation.” At press time, the nation added they were just grateful they didn’t need a rocket in order to fathom that life was precious and beautiful.