WASHINGTON—Getting back into their routines with a renewed outlook on life after the long holiday weekend, the entire U.S. labor force reportedly returned to work Monday a little more kind, a little more thoughtful, and a little more thankful. “My job isn’t perfect, but I’m grateful it’s mine and grateful to be back,” said 43-year-old Salt Lake City resident Jacob Estrada, echoing the sentiments of millions of Americans who made sure to kiss their spouses and give their kids an extra hug this morning before they cheerfully headed off to their respective workplaces with a bit more appreciation for all they have. “Spending time with friends and family this weekend reminded me how much life has given me. Even when I got stuck in traffic during my commute, I just sat there humming a little tune to myself and thinking how lucky I am to be able to provide for my family. Really, nothing’s ever as bad as it seems if you simply take a moment now and then to count your blessings.” At presstime, sources across the country confirmed every American worker had stopped smiling and saying hello to their colleagues and resumed muttering curses under their breath.
More from The Onion