WASHINGTON—Under fire for their role in alleged sexual abuse, the nation’s children were rocked by a getting molested scandal, sources confirmed Tuesday. “How can we continue to even trust the children community if they go around getting molested like this?” said parent Linda Cowan, who was just one of hundreds of Americans across the country outraged following the release of a report that showed that tens of thousands of the nation’s children had been sexually abused in the past year alone. “I’ve lost my faith in children. This goes completely against the image of innocence they project. It’s a very bad look for them. And to any children listening, don’t think you can wipe your hands clean by just lying low or transferring to another school.” At press time, shocking new evidence revealed that the scandal may have been ongoing for hundreds of years.
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FBI Investigating Fourth-Grade Kid Who Said He Has Seen Over 200 Dead Bodies