LOWELL, MA—Citing the impending ends of their leases and the fact that their youngest children were heading off to college, the nation’s dads announced on Thursday their plans to trade in the Dodge for something with a little more zip. “The Dodge was a good car, but I think this time around I’d like to get one with a bit more oomph under the hood,” said Paul Gensler, 52, one of the millions of fathers who noted that he didn’t need to drive something as big now that it was just him, mom, and the dogs holding down the fort. “When I tap the pedal, I want to feel some get-up-and-go, some pep. And we’ll see, maybe I’ll even end up taking home something in red.” The nation’s fathers added that if the dealer was willing to play ball, they wouldn’t be opposed to chipping in a bit extra for the sport package.
More from The Onion