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Nation’s Male Bus Strangers Announce Plans To Show Each Other Pictures Of Swimsuit Models On Their Phones

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CHICAGO—Pledging to loudly discuss the desirability of women’s breasts no matter the personal cost, the nation’s male bus strangers announced plans Tuesday to show each other pictures of swimsuit models on their phones. “We will reach over several visibly uncomfortable passengers to show each other photos on our phones of a woman in a metallic bikini, and hold it there while the other guys take a photo of that photo,” said 52-year-old Bryan Duffy, the self-appointed leader of the coalition of men who had been riding the bus for so long that it had become unclear whether they were bound for somewhere or just riding, and none of whom had a device newer than an iPhone 6. “We will use our beefy fingers to zoom in on asses and repeat, ‘You got to get a look a this,’ as we pass our phones across the aisle. We will not ask each other any questions about each other. I don’t know them, they don’t know me, and nobody on this bus could even start to guess how this conversation got started. We stand before you today to—oh, damn, check out the rack on that one. What’s her name? Do you know her?” At press time, Duffy had launched into a tangent about how he had once been with a chick that looked just like the girl in the picture.