Nation’s Moms Get Started On Their Sorta-Funky Witch Costumes

AKRON, OH—Laughing as they tried on quirky combinations of colorful wigs and striped thigh-high socks, the nation’s moms announced Wednesday that they had officially begun putting together their sorta-funky witch costumes for Halloween. “This year, I’m going to wear some bright pink eyeshadow, paint my nails blue, and then hand out candy in a big, silly, pointy hat,” said an ecstatic 42-year-old Janet Fersby, who, along with tens of millions of other moms, subsequently announced plans to go to the craft store and pick up some “absolutely kooky” stickers and patches to place all over their fun, colorful skirts. “Also, this year, when kids knock on the door, I’m going to hold a big rainbow cauldron full of candy and do my funny cackle, just like in the movies. And even though I wore them last year, those glow stick bracelets are coming straight out of the supply closet and going onto my funky witch arms.” At press time, the nation’s dads were picking out a regular flannel shirt to wear while taking the kids trick-or-treating.

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