STANFORD, CA—Stating that the reduced dimensions of such items directly correlated with elevated levels of scrumptiousness, nutritionists at the Food Research Institute confirmed in a report Friday that mini versions of food are far nummier. “Our research strongly suggests that tiny variations of existing snacks and desserts are up to 80 percent nummier than their full-sized counterparts,” said Dr. Harold D’Souza, adding that 16 months of laboratory and field research had determined that the more itty-bitty the food, the more nummy it becomes. “We also found that they make you feel so big when you hold them up. See? They’re so nummy nummy num-num. Num-num-num-num-num! Ummy nummy num-nums!” The study also concluded, however, that king-size versions of food were almost devoid of nummy numminess and only demonstrated that quality when broken up into teensy-weensy parts.
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