Nation Stunned That 20-Year Catastrophe Could End So Catastrophically

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WASHINGTON—Expressing disbelief after an attack on evacuees at the Kabul airport killed Afghan civilians and U.S. troops fleeing a war zone, the nation was reportedly stunned Friday that a 20-year catastrophe could end so catastrophically. “You could never imagine in a million years that a barbaric disaster could result in a barbaric disaster like this,” said Euclid, OH resident Peter Olean, echoing tens of millions of Americans who were baffled that a pointlessly violent quagmire from start to finish wasn’t going out on a high note. “We’re watching several decades of chaos devolve into chaos right at the end—I mean, who could’ve seen that coming? Things had been going so poorly for 20 years, with so much needless loss of human life, but you never expect that the end would go so poorly and result in the needless loss of human life. It boggles the mind. Honestly, it makes you wonder if the evacuation and the last 20 years of brutal military incursion in Afghanistan should have happened at all.” After hearing about Blackwater founder Erik Prince and others charging thousands of dollars to evacuate desperate people out of Afghanistan, the disgusted nation was reportedly floored to learn that a 20-year conflict engineered to make war profiteers rich could end with war profiteers getting rich.