WASHINGTON—Rolling their eyes as requests for food and aid continued to pour in from the famine-ravaged nation, the U.S. populace reportedly told starving Afghani civilians Wednesday to just shut up, because Americans no longer cared about them and enough was enough already. “Ugh, first you’re whining about how you want food, and now you’re droning on and on about permanent economic collapse—give it a fucking rest, okay?” said 48-year-old Massachusetts resident Barry Kingston, who echoed the exact sentiment of all 330 million U.S. residents when he explained that he had moved on from thinking about the 20-year occupation and maybe it was time for Afghanistan to do the same thing. “We’re focused on other stuff now, and we’re frankly sick of your nonstop blah, blah, blah about how you’re being brutally oppressed by a violent regime. Can’t you understand we don’t give a shit anymore? Some countries would have taken a hint by now, but no, not Afghanistan!” The American people went on to remark that it was as if Afghanis didn’t realize there was now an actual European country suffering from widespread atrocities.