NEW YORK—Calling the hiring practice “inexcusable” during a presentation at the organization’s annual retreat, the National Association of Corpses—a non-profit aimed at the promotion of cadavers and cadaver-related causes—expressed their outrage Tuesday at still-living actors being cast in the roles of dead bodies on series such as CSI and Law & Order. “Nearly every day, we see deceased Americans losing out on parts in police procedurals to living, breathing actors who have no firsthand experience with what it’s like to lie immobile on a cold slab while a mortician embalms your abdominal cavity,” said NAC President Vincent Harrison, one of dozens of the organization’s visibly rotting leaders who lay immobile behind a podium or sprawled out on the stage with protest signs reading “Unliving Doesn’t Mean Unimportant” and “Represent Lifeless Bodies On Screen.” “Time and again, I’ve seen our members get passed over for acting gigs set in autopsy rooms and crime scenes just because they supposedly lack a Hollywood actor’s ability to speak or experience the world around them in any way. These living actors require hours of pallor makeup just to look like us. Frankly, it’s unfair, it’s an outrage, and it needs to end.” Harrison also stressed that he was fighting to ensure the struggles he faced as a insentient corpse would never be problems for his dead children.
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