National Guard Returns To Endless Sleep Under Mount Rushmore Until Nation Calls Upon Them Again

Illustration for article titled National Guard Returns To Endless Sleep Under Mount Rushmore Until Nation Calls Upon Them Again

KEYSTONE, SD—Growing increasingly still as the haze of patriotism lulled them into an enchanted rest, the National Guard reportedly returned to their endless sleep underneath Mount Rushmore Tuesday until the nation was ready to call upon them again. “The National Guard issued a solemn salute to the flag before re-entering the sulfurous cavern to rest,” said Pentagon sources, recalling that the service members climbed inside George Washington’s carved rock nose to enter the monument. “Marching in lockstep, standing shoulder to shoulder, the National Guard stopped all at once and entered a deep slumber. Their uniforms, weapons, and bodies effortlessly camouflaging with the granite memorial.” At press time, the National Guard had already been awakened to quell protests in Portland.