CHICAGO—Calling the games a “complete time suck,” 32-year-old junior sales associate Collin Hiller told reporters Friday that the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has really been affecting his ability to get any fucking around done. “Normally I’d be busy doing jack shit at the office right now, but today I’ve been completely distracted from that by all these games,” said Hiller, who had only intended for the tournament to serve as a brief break from aimlessly browsing YouTube, but instead spent the last three hours glued to the online broadcast at NCAA.com. “Christ, I’m so behind on checking out pictures of infinity pools, and there’s still a ton of crap to read on Twitter I haven’t even started yet. I want to catch the rest of this game, but I feel a little guilty not Gchatting with my girlfriend or just dicking around on my phone.” At press time, Hiller had simply resigned himself to pulling another all-nighter doing dumb shit.
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