BOSTON—Saying the thought of the beloved home assistant languishing in solitude “completely and utterly broke my heart,” local woman Greta Benson, 36, expressed dismay Monday upon learning that her Google Home had been sitting in her front window and barking at passersby all day. “I got home from work and the neighbors told me it had been yapping and howling all day—I honestly had no idea,” said Benson, explaining that she had expected the smart home device to experience a brief transitional period after it was initially purchased, but was shocked to find it had not yet become acclimated to its environment. “When I got the electric bill, I found out it had just been turning the lights on and off for hours, so I guess it must be bored. Maybe I’ll adopt a Roomba to keep it company while I’m at work, but then again, I think it’s super territorial. It’s been terrorizing my neighbor’s drones.” Benson also recalled a particularly troubling incident just after she acquired the device, in which her 8-year-old niece had been severely bitten while attempting to turn the machine’s volume down.
More from The Onion