LOS GATOS, CA—As widespread anticipation for the May 26th premiere of the new season of Arrested Development mounted, on-demand media provider Netflix delicately cautioned fans not to get too excited for the series, seeing as it is of course a television program and not an actual solution to any of the world's various catastrophic problems. "While we are glad that viewers are excited for Arrested Development—and we are excited as well—I would like to quickly remind people that we are talking about a TV show here, and not, say, a cure for cancer, or a technology that would reverse the ruinous effects of climate change," said Netflix CEO Reed Hastings, gently adding that the acclaimed show will not even begin to address any of the personal or socioeconomic problems that human beings, including each and every viewer, experience on a daily basis. "Also, war, famine, poverty, inequality, and political inefficacy will continue to exist after the premiere of this show and will not in any way be remedied by the admittedly highly amusing misadventures of the Bluth family. It's good to be happy but, you know, maybe think about taking it down a notch." At press time, not a single fan of Arrested Development was paying even one moment's attention to Netflix's announcement.

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