Illustration for article titled New Census Study Finds That 40% Of U.S. Population Is Filler

WASHINGTON—Saying that a sizable cross-section of Americans exist solely to round out the nation’s general population, a new study released Wednesday by the Census Bureau found that a full 40 percent of U.S. citizens are just filler. “Our data indicates that roughly 126 million people in this country essentially serve to just take up some space between the others,” said Census Bureau spokesperson Olivia Johnson, adding that at least 15 states have functioned as nothing more than cushioning for the rest of the country from the moment they were admitted to the union. “The United States is a large country, and our research shows that two out of every five Americans are really just fluff to fill in the gaps around more valuable citizens.” Johnson went on to say it was unclear whether the U.S. as a whole was doing anything more than padding out North America.


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