‘You Think People Don’t Remember, Todd? You Were Blowing Smoke Out Your Ass And Everyone Knows It,’ Say Sources
SCOTTSDALE, AZ—According to sources close to the 34-year-old computer programmer, official records showed Covid-19 cases continuing to soar Thursday even though Todd Peters of Scottsdale, AZ told people back in June that it would all be over by now. “The country just hit 60,000 new cases a day, despite the fact that Todd explicitly stated everything would be ‘pretty much back to normal’ at this point,” a source told reporters, asking whether Peters thought the people he had said this to a mere four months ago were so goddamn stupid they would forget he had talked out of his ass about how the pandemic had peaked and a vaccine would be available by autumn. “A lot of us thought to ourselves, ‘Hey, this is Todd. We know him, he’s a smart guy. Surely we can trust what he says.’ But here we are with Covid deaths on the rise again, and now everyone knows Todd didn’t have a fucking clue what he was talking about. Does he even care that his aunt bought a plane ticket to Orlando based on what he said and has now been forced to cancel her plans, receiving only a partial refund in the form of credit on a future flight? He’s so fucking full of shit.” At press time, more than a dozen sources confirmed they had contracted the coronavirus from Peters even though he said he had no need to wear a mask.