New Employee Has Never Known Decadent Pleasures Of Old Office

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BOSTON—Noting that the recent hire was probably content with the firm’s current bland, cookie-cutter workspace, sources at advertising firm KGC Creative confirmed Wednesday that new employee Kyle Lawrence was never able to partake of the decadent pleasures of the company’s old office three blocks over. “There was so much more space back in the old place, and the cubicles had full 5-foot walls, not these little partitions—it was great,” said longtime employee Sean Lavin, shaking his head as he lamented how his young colleague never had the opportunity to luxuriate in the opulence of a workspace whose many hedonistic splendors included softer recessed lighting, larger windows, and a far better coffee machine. “Back then we were on the top floor, so we had a pretty good view; you could even see the river. Oh, and the kitchen in that place even had a dishwasher. Not like this office we have now, not at all.” Lavin added that the recent hire also missed out on the wondrous, intoxicating joys of working with Bill, a project team leader who management recently let go.