Illustration for article titled New Environmentally Friendly Burial Involves Having Your Dead Body Eaten By Wealthy German Man With Taste For The Exotic

NEW YORK, NY—Explaining how the method generates no carbon emissions or pollution, Rhine Solutions, a new corpse disposal service, unveiled a new environmentally friendly form of burial Friday that involves having your dead body eaten by a wealthy German man who has a taste for the exotic. “Upon the customer’s death, their body will be shipped to Hamburg, where it will be devoured by Dieter, a prominent business magnate who has, shall we say, an appetite for the taboo,” said Mark Bentley, head of communications for the company, explaining how Dieter, whose palate has evolved beyond standard forms of meat, loves nothing more than sitting down at the dining room table of his remote Bauhaus-style mansion and feasting on his favorite forbidden, succulent delicacy, which he often pairs with a vintage wine. “The process creates absolutely no waste, as Dieter is a very hungry fellow who cleans his plate whenever he sits down for one of these special meals before gently dabbing his lips with a satin handkerchief. What better way to bid farewell to your loved one than allowing this stately oligarch to indulge in his unique gastronomic preferences?” At press time, the service had shut down after Dieter died of kuru.


Share This Story

Get our newsletter