TALLAHASSEE, FL—In an effort to enforce recent changes to Florida’s K-12 standards for social studies classes, a new bill signed into law this week by Gov. Ron DeSantis requires all educators to teach the state’s approved curriculum from inside electrified cages. “Effective immediately, teachers in the Sunshine State will be required to lecture behind the bars of a steel cage that will send a debilitating electric current through their bodies if they deviate from lesson materials approved by the Florida Board of Education,” said Manny Díaz Jr., the state’s education commissioner, adding that a cable running from the cage to the teacher’s genitals would deliver 1,000 volts if the instructor ever mentioned African American studies or trans rights. “To hold teachers accountable, shocks of increasing intensity will be administered with each reference to homosexuality or any suggestion that the institution of slavery may have had some drawbacks for the Black community. However, it’s important for parents to know that under no circumstances will students be shocked, unless of course they touch the electrified, barbed-wire fence that now surrounds each school library.” Díaz went on to state that, due to budget constraints, teachers would be required to supply their own shock collars.
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