New Ford F-450 Promises To Make Driver Look Ever So Tiny

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DEARBORN, MI—Touting that the new model would give customers even more of what they wanted in a pickup truck, Ford Motor Company promised Friday that the new 2022 F-450 would make the driver look every so tiny. “You will absolutely look like a weeny little baby sitting there in your driver’s seat, and we pledge that when other motorists pass you, they’ll coo at your adorable itsy-bitsy face up there in our big big truck,” said Ford CEO Jim Farley, promising that every F-450 driver, woman or man—but especially the men—would look like the most precious little baby motorist that anyone ever did see. “When you climb into the cab of our F-450 pickup truck, you’ll immediately look like the most cutest little tyke anyone has ever laid eyes on. This thing is designed for all weather, so whether you want to look tiny in a snowstorm or a pile of mud, you’re all set. You’ll be able to clap your soft little hands together and say ‘Hurrah hurray!’ in delight as the engine revs. You’re going to look so gosh-darn adorable! People will be so delighted to see you on the road. ‘What a beautiful little baby,’ they’ll think to themselves. ‘Why, they look completely ridiculous behind the wheel of that very large and powerful truck. Someone ought to call their mommy and daddy before they do a big vroom-vroom and someone gets hurt.’ That’s the Ford promise.” Farley added that the F-450 had been specially engineered to make the pickup bed purely cosmetic and unable to hold any weight at all in accordance with the lifestyles of the typical ever-so-delicate Ford customer.