DEARBORN, MI—Saying their best-selling line of full-sized trucks will now have greater appeal to those Americans who enjoy fucking like rabbits in fairgrounds, parking lots, drained quarries, or lake house driveways, Ford has revealed that the new 2019 F-150 will feature an extendable, hydroformed aluminum tailgate designed specifically for teens getting pregnant beneath a Fourth of July fireworks display. “America’s truck leader is excited to finally bring the high school seniors looking to get knocked up at the county fair a new full-sized F-150 pickup perfect for going to town on each other around 7 p.m. when it starts to get dark,” Ford product communications manager Mike Levine said of the truck, which also offers an optional self-leveling package featuring revalved shock absorbers for better rebound control, guaranteeing teenage drivers a smoother, more comfortable experience during even the most haphazard of unprotected truck-bed sex. “Our redesigned, reinforced cargo bed is braced to withstand awkward stop-and-start motions, extends eight feet to accommodate various positions, and is available with a pliant and moisture-resistant bedliner to prevent scraped knees and shoulder blades. And, as always, the F-150 is available with a range of advanced powertrains, allowing them to cross the most rugged terrain to secluded areas where youthful drivers can throw down that tailgate, rip off their jeans and flannel, and screw each other’s brains out while the sky explodes with light.” Levine added that the Super Duty payload-rated at 2,320 pounds, allowing its owner to invite up to 10 passengers to become impregnated in the vehicle at once.

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