Previously undocumented by science but known to locals as the lesula, a shy species of monkey with a hairless face and blond mane was discovered by zoologists in the remote lowland rainforests of the Democratic Republic of Congo. What do you think?
“Before we get attached to this new species, are there any natural resources in its habitat we might want to exploit?”
Ian Fung • Unemployed
FBI Investigating Fourth-Grade Kid Who Said He Has Seen Over 200 Dead Bodies
“Just skip to the important details. How strong is its organ-grinding arm, and does it know its way around a pair of cymbals?”
Maggie Noble • Nursery School Attendant
“Doesn’t change a thing for me. My favorite primate with a hairless face and blond mane is still Pamela Anderson.”
Rolf Hofschneider • Port Warden