New Patriotic Gatorade Ad Shows Terrorists Being Waterboarded With Gatorade

CHICAGO—Blaring the national anthem as soldiers stood holding red, white, and blue sports drinks, a new patriotic Gatorade ad that aired Friday showed terrorists being waterboarded with Gatorade. “Gatorade is the official drink of protecting the American homeland,” said Gatorade spokesperson Ally Hawthorne about the spot, which showed several Middle Eastern men strapped to boards with sheets over their heads while various interrogators dumped thirst-quenching, 5-gallon coolers of Gatorade over their faces. “With our enhanced hydration techniques, Gatorade is ensuring that the United States remains not just safe but electrolyte-fueled, just like our forefathers intended. That’s why when someone asks ‘Is it in you?,’ the answer is always ‘yes.’” At press time, Gatorade had come under fire for a television ad that showed Osama bin Laden being brought back to life and tortured after being given a Gatorade Recovery Shake.

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