LOS ANGELES—Laboring over the final major creative decision prior to launch, executives at a new streaming service were reportedly struggling Wednesday to come up with a name that was so stupid that it would completely infuriate the public. “Obviously places like Quibi and Peacock have set an extremely high bar of making potential consumers literally shake with rage at the very utterance of the word, and we don’t want to be caught flat-footed with a name that’s only mildly irritating and confusing,” said CEO Darby Alton, confirming that executives had ultimately ruled out contenders such as “grubbo” and “zwabble-ponk” over concerns that someone on Earth might conceivably be able to hear them without smashing their fist through a wall. “We’ve been shouting random gibberish for over an hour and have never come close to anything that would still make people fall to their knees and shake their fists towards the heavens years later like SeeSo. At this point, I think we might have to just go with a name spelled ‘&g!g&’ and pronounced like a child’s giggle and call it a day.” At press time, Alton admitted that at least he was confident that the fury users would experience trying to watch anything on their website or app was comparable to its competitors.
More from The Onion