RACINE, WI—Touting the cleaning product’s dual use on both beings from parallel pockets of existence and the spirit world, SC Johnson introduced a new Windex formula Friday for removing menacing apparitions from the mirror. “There’s nothing more off-putting than a dirty mirror covered with streaks and a shadowy, leering figure standing directly behind your shoulder—Windex’s new formula banishes them both,” said CEO Fisk Johnson, who explained the new product’s patented formula worked by penetrating the mirror’s surface and going beyond to the nether realm where such dark phantasms originate. “Whether it’s a pale, stringy-haired little girl who drowned in 1852 or a cackling, bizarro version of yourself reaching out with both hands to choke you, Windex’s powerful formula fights dirt and demons to keep your bathroom looking its best. Simply spray the frightening surface and wipe with a paper towel or lint-free cloth. It’s also effective for removing words like ‘slaughter’ that may appear written on the mirror in steam after you step out of the shower.” At press time, Johnson added the product was not recommended for use on television screens that undead children were crawling out of.
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