Newly Discovered Scrolls Suggest Jesus Devoured Twin Messiah In Womb

Illustration for article titled Newly Discovered Scrolls Suggest Jesus Devoured Twin Messiah In Womb

JERUSALEM—In a discovery that casts new light on the immaculate conception and subsequent immaculate gestation, biblical archeologists at Cambridge University announced Tuesday that newly translated scrolls suggest that, during fetal development, the as yet unborn Jesus Christ devoured His twin Messiah in the womb. “These ancient writings clearly reveal that God originally intended to have two redeemers of mankind, but at some point during Mary’s pregnancy, the Christ Child consumed His twin,” said prominent theologian Dr. Walter Booth, explaining that while absorbing His weaker, undeveloping twin made Jesus a healthier, stronger, overall more capable savior, the act naturally denied Him a fraternal support system in life and left Him to perform miracles alone. “When translated, the Aramaic texts clearly state that Mary never truly recovered from feeling the two divine lives she carried become only one, which caused her to quietly but intensely resent Jesus for His entire life. We also have to consider the likelihood that Jesus may have never been crucified if His twin brother had been there to protect Him.” Booth also noted that the scrolls suggest that the twin was also brought back from death during the Resurrection, implying that Christ ascended into Heaven alongside a half-developed fetus.