As Donald Trump’s divisive presidency draws to a close, questions have arisen as to the future plans of his administration, and whether they will face difficulties securing positions outside the White House. The Onion provides analysis of what the Trump administration members will do next.
Rudy Giuliani: Trump’s lawyer will spend the next few years sending him increasingly angry invoices.
Ben Carson: Return to the brain surgery he was in the middle of when he accepted the HUD position.
Wilbur Ross: Beg for his old job back at WL Ross & Co.
Mike Pence: Stain of working alongside Trump may force him to lower his speaking fees to five figures.
Eugene Scalia: See what his dad’s old Supreme Court buddies can hook him up with next.
Mark Esper: Decide between executive-level positions at Raytheon and Lockheed Martin.
Keith: The Spring ’21 semester intern from American University isn’t sure if interns stick around, since it seems weird to have just started and then leave.
Jared Kushner: Return to his first love of swindling poor people with unlivable real estate.
Mike Pompeo: Attempt a 2024 presidential bid as the authentic successor to the MAGA movement only to lose in the early primaries to the Q Shaman.