NFL Week Three Winners And Losers

Illustration for article titled NFL Week Three Winners And Losers

Onion Sports presents its winners and losers from the third week of the NFL season:

Winners

  • Baltimore Ravens: Appear to have won back the support of a fan base that had forsaken the team for several hours
  • Philadelphia Eagles / Washington Redskins: The teams’ bench-clearing brawl gave fans the type of mindless physical assaults they can actually get behind
  • Roger Goodell: Calmed NFL fans by creating new program encouraging players to punch responsibly
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Losers

  • Andrew Luck: The Colts quarterback was held to under 400 yards passing and five touchdowns against the Jaguars
  • Kansas City Chiefs: Sure, they won a game, but in the greater scheme of life, that is hardly indicative of true, lasting fulfillment
  • Blake Bortles: The highly touted rookie still has yet to prove he can excel in four quarters of garbage time