NIH Retiring All Research Chimps

Due to continued public outcry and the dwindling need to conduct research on primates, the National Institutes of Health announced they will retire all 50 of their remaining research chimpanzees, who will be relocated to various sanctuaries nationwide. What do you think?

“Bullshit. They were fired.”

Brandon Whurley • Matchmaker


“That’s great news. These chimps deserve to live out their lives experiencing side effects in peace.”

Dora Winfield • Conspiracy Debunker

“This should open up several more lucrative job opportunities for humans.”

Jake Condon • Unemployed