SUMMIT, NJ—Filing uncertainly into the main hallway of the property’s welcome center, each member of the Robertson family privately admitted to reporters Saturday that they had no idea which of them their weekend trip to the arboretum was geared toward. “I’ve never had any real desire to visit this place, and I can’t imagine Dad wants to spend a whole Saturday looking at trees instead of spending his outdoors time in front of the grill—maybe Jacob needs to research some kind of school project?” said the family’s 15-year-old daughter Caroline Robertson, who like her mother, father, and brother spent the 40-minute car ride quietly wondering what, if anything, they were supposed to be gleaning from their Nature-Plus Family Day Pass that guaranteed access to all of the arboretum’s featured collections as well as the educational tram tour. “I guess it could just be Mom’s idea for spending time together as a family, but it was a pretty long drive just for that. Or maybe she just wants us to get some fresh air? Or some exercise? I don’t see how we couldn’t have just done that at home in the backyard. Huh.” At press time, sources confirmed the Robertson family could be seen wandering around the West Herb Garden, each one mystified by how to tell when the outing was supposed to be over.

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