NEW YORK—With the increasingly warm weather signaling the commencement of their age-old journey, millions of children across the North American continent began their annual summer migration to their fathers’ homes this week, sources confirmed. “At this moment, in every corner of the country, children are setting out from their normal wintering grounds en route to their dad’s place,” said Duke University anthropologist Robert Benson, explaining how these youths follow the same interstate routes they travel every year to the region of the country containing their fathers’ townhouses, where they will make a temporary home for themselves among their specially arranged twin beds and pull-out sofas for the remainder of the summer months. “While the journey is not easy, and often leads the children to conditions that are far less hospitable than those they enjoy during the rest of the year, this is simply a natural rite these boys and girls must endure every summer. Until they turn 18, at least.” According to Benson, once autumn arrives, the North American children will follow the same migratory pattern back to the relative bounty of their maternal homelands, where they generally have better options for feeding and more of their fellow juveniles to socialize among.

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