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NRA Congratulates School Shooter For Terrific Aim Given Such Small Targets

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FAIRFAX, VA—In the wake of a mass shooting that left seven elementary schoolers dead and nine more injured, the National Rifle Association issued a statement Thursday congratulating the school shooter for his terrific aim given such small targets. “When a situation like this happens, you’ve just got to give it up for a guy who’s capable of nailing that many kids well under four feet tall, plus they move quick—it’s very impressive,” said NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre, specifically highlighting an incredibly impressive shot where the gunman hit a second-grader from 100 feet away while on the run. “There are a lot of really outstanding school shooters out there, but we want to congratulate this shooter specifically for choosing a higher difficulty level than a high school, where the targets are so much larger. Anyone over age 10 or so is just easier to hit. To be able to nail a kid in the head in the small gap between two desks is an incredibly impressive shot, especially since the shooter is only 19 years old. To those who question American exceptionalism, we’d like to point you to this promising young man’s terrific aim.” The NRA also praised the shooter for his choice of weapon, saying that the AR-15 was simply the tool you needed to use if you wanted to get the job done right.