Illustration for article titled Nuclear Scientists Fucking Around In Friend’s Backyard Run Away After Stuffing Fission Bomb Into Coke Can

LOS ALAMOS, NM—Giggling as they made sure the atomic explosive’s tritium-deuterium ignition module had been properly engaged, nuclear scientists employed at Los Alamos National Laboratory were seen sprinting away from ground zero after stuffing a fission bomb into a can of Coca-Cola in a friend’s backyard Friday. “Oh shit, dude, it’s going supercritical—Run! Run!” said fissile materials researcher Mark Chalmers, Ph. D., ducking down behind a picnic table as his fellow pranksters recorded the 17-megaton detonation on their smartphones to upload to YouTube later. “Oh man, this is going to be so fucking sweet. We should put one of the Davy Crocketts in a cantaloupe next; [Department Head Dr.] Kevin [Agajanian]’s parents aren’t coming home until 4:30, so we’ve totally got time.” The researchers were later seen trying to blow away the resulting 12,000-foot tall enormous mushroom cloud after hearing a car pull into the driveway.

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