Actor and activist Cynthia Nixon is mounting a progressive challenge to incumbent New York governor Andrew Cuomo in a Democratic Party primary that could have far-reaching implications nationwide. The Onion offers a side-by-side comparison of the two candidates.
FAMOUS:
Cuomo: Eh
Nixon: Eh
BIGGEST OBSTACLE:
Cuomo: Proving he’s not a Democratic Party traitor
Nixon: Proving she’s not a TV character
SAME-SEX MARRIAGE:
Cuomo: Convinced enough Republicans to pass it
Nixon: Convinced one woman to do it
POLITICAL LIABILITY:
Cuomo: Campaign manager convicted of corruption
Nixon: Sex And The City 2
PLAGUED BY A HISTORY OF MULTIGENERATIONAL POLITICAL CORRUPTION:
Cuomo: Yes
Nixon: TBD
40-YARD DASH TIME:
Cuomo: 11.8 seconds
Nixon: 9.2 seconds
STANCE ON GUN CONTROL:
Cuomo: Whatever Nixon says she would do
Nixon: Whatever Cuomo said he would do but didn’t
VERY WEALTHY PERSON INSISTING THEY CARE ABOUT RIGHTS OF ALL NEW YORKERS:
Cuomo: Yes
Nixon: Yes
Advertisement