President Obama spoke before gathered world leaders this week at a summit on extremism, discussing the root causes of such violence, weighing options for combating terrorist groups like ISIS and Boko Haram, and laying out a plan for curbing attacks. Here are the key aspects of the plan:
- To better understand methods of recruitment, each world leader to undergo full process of radicalization
- Increase production and exportation of American flags by 25 percent
- Only prop up those rebel militias we’re fairly certain won’t turn on us one day
- Partner with local paranoid bigots to recognize early stages of extremism
- Funnel additional $700 billion into Pentagon’s F-35 Joint Strike Fighter program for good measure
- Launch effort to convince terrorist groups America is sufficiently destroying itself without their help
- Give things another 2,000 years to simmer down