Obama's New Fuel Efficiency Plan

Last week, President Obama announced a plan to lower automobile emissions by requiring new cars to average 35.5 miles per gallon. How can Detroit rise to meet the challenge?

Launch massive campaign urging drivers to draft a few feet behind one another on the highway to minimize drag

Will no longer sell or lease to anyone weighing more than 150 pounds

Remove least fuel-efficient tire from every car

Gradually decrease the length of a mile

Slap a sticker that says "35.5" on all new cars

Bulldoze nation's uphill gradients

Talk Obama down to 34 miles per gallon by offering to throw in a copy of The Audacity Of Hope with each auto purchase

Copy the Japanese, probably