The American Cancer Society predicts 40,170 women will die from breast cancer this year.
Here are some things women can do to help fight this silent killer:
- Keep a canary between your breasts; should the canary die, contact a physician immediately
- Exercise regularly so that the cancer will give up on you and go after slower, weaker women instead
- Let the girls out for a breather every so often
- Wear shirts that make you and others think positive things about your breasts
- Edit the Wikipedia page for breast cancer and write a sentence about how you'll never get it
- Avoid exposing your breasts in the immediate vicinity of a nuclear power plant
- Consult some weird old Japanese lady and drink whatever nasty crap she advises
- While in the shower, rub your breasts in a circular motion. Yeah, just like that. Maybe use a little soap. Don't forget the nipples. Oh, God, yes, that's it
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