‘Oh God What Happened Now,’ Mumbles Congressperson After Seeing Massive NRA Donation

Illustration for article titled ‘Oh God What Happened Now,’ Mumbles Congressperson After Seeing Massive NRA Donation

WASHINGTON—Unable to help himself from fearing the worst, Rep. French Hill (R-AR) reportedly mumbled, “Oh God, what happened now, Friday after seeing he had received a massive donation from the NRA. “Jeez, that’s a lot of money, it’s got to be something pretty bad,” said Hill, who yelled out for his staffers to get it over with and tell him whatever gruesome tragedy had occurred to elicit such a generous donation. “Any time I get anything over five figures, my heart just drops. Nothing can prepare you for this. Dear Lord, oh no. I just hope it wasn’t in my state. Shit, I better call my kids and make sure they’re okay.” At press time, a trembling Hill was reaching for the remote to turn on the news with after receiving another huge contribution from Smith & Wesson.