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Oil Companies Lament Rising Price Of Joe Manchin

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IRVING, TX—In the wake of global turmoil and worsening inflation, oil companies were lamenting the rising price of Joe Manchin, sources confirmed Tuesday. “With the economy what it is and a split Senate, it seems like the price just keeps going up and up nearly every day,” said ExxonMobil CEO Darren Woods, who was just one of many industry executives left suffering from sticker shock after learning how much the West Virginia senator was now asking for. “It definitely hurts, but what other option do we have? I guess that’s what happens when too many people want access. Then again, maybe it’s on us for not diversifying our Senate power sources.” At press time, several reports indicated that a long line of oil executives waiting outside Manchin’s door had begun to wrap around the block.