Oklahoma’s head of public schools recently stated that race was not a factor in the 1921 Tulsa Race Massacre, an event in which white mobs killed around 300 Black residents and burned some 35 blocks of businesses and homes. The Onion asked current students in Oklahoma what they knew about the event, and this is what they said.
“A certain group of people got mad at a different group of people for reasons we can’t specify, and it led to an event we can never forget.”
“Nice try, but I know that it’s illegal to explain the Tulsa Race Massacre now.”
“Black people and white people came together for the first Thanksgiving dinner.”
“I think that was when we lost to Baylor.”
“We haven’t covered that book of the Bible yet.”
“More than a century later, it seems more and more likely we may never know what race was brutally targeted by a white mob.”
“My parents said I can learn what didn’t really happen when I’m older.”
“I heard they all hugged it out afterwards.”
“I think it’s a combination of reverse cowgirl and a reach-around?”
“States’ rights! Entirely about states’ rights!”
“It wasn’t a race massacre, it was a white-group-involved shooting.”
“A really successful ‘everything must go’ sale at all the Greenwood District Black-owned businesses.”
“I’m only in kindergarten, so I won’t be indoctrinated with a grotesquely sterilized account of the racist barbarism for another couple of years.”
“Our teacher kept saying ‘massacre’ was too strong a word, so we’ve been calling it ‘aggravated self-defense.’”
“Oh, you mean the 1921 ‘Massacre Between the Races’?”
“Far as I can tell, it was just one big misunderstanding that ended in the total disenfranchisement of Tulsa’s Black community.”
“Apparently I need to find a new name for what I’m planning next week.”