Packers
Strengths: Clay Matthews entering prime of pitchman career; Team’s porous defense allows its dominant offense to stay on field for most of game; Running back Eddie Lacy excels at gaining yards after contact from flailing bodies of his blockers
Weakness: As the NFL’s smallest market, Green Bay simply lacks depth at the 18- to 34-year-old demographic to be a contender in modern era
Key Player: Aaron Rodgers is a proven collapsed pocket passer
Injury Update: B.J. Raji’s season-ending biceps injury creates massive headache for Packers’ team cafeteria
Key Offseason Acquisition: Signed defensive end Julius Peppers away from rival Chicago, suggesting that players might not actually buy into any of that bullshit
Goal: Eddie Lacy still motivated to prove Packers wrong for passing on him during first round of 2013 NFL Draft
Fun Fact: Roger Goodell still waiting for right moment to ban Lambeau Leap as a touchdown celebration